2/7/07

Dear Players,

I just woke up 3 pm in the afternooon.
Had a huge argue yesterday night with Avi. I hate argues and and they keep repeating themself. I even called her mother yesterday, and doesn't want Avi back to the house. I wanted to send her home to the philippines today. But doesn't want to go, because she loves. I'm happy to hear that. So if you love a person so damn much, why dont you show it." Because you jealous person". When I did a nescafe commercial in the philippines 9 month ago. In the shoot there was me as the main man for the commercial + 40 other women and 30 guys. The shoot was 3 days on a beach. At that time I had know Avi for 2 week only. And after knowing somebody for 2 weeks time. Wouldnt you try to show some support at least. You know what she did. She mad a big fucking mess, being insecure and jealousy. I never gave her any reason to become a sick jealousy. She thought I was fooling around with girls etc etc. She called me on the phone bothering me and pissing me off for 3 days in row. Even the production house and client of Nescafe ohilippines had to talk to avi. And keep telling her" Avi dont worry,Patrick is not doing anything,he is working". I mean where is the gratitude for the things I do for her ??? If I dont work, how can I take her traveling, shopping, restaurant etc etc like I'm doing everyday.. She hasent workded for 1 year soon... I dont mind her not working. I'm lucky that I can make good money now to support us both and more. But in the end.. I need to build something else then just my modeling. It doesnt last for ever and anything can happen. She is traveling the world eating the best food ever, get everything she poitn at, she can do-what she want-when she want.. I've enver denied her antyhing and never will. But give me some fucking space in between. Same... I was working in China for a catalog job with a friend of mine. A female model from brazil. Of course when you shoot, You need to act and give yoruself for the shoot like a professional. After the shoot I came home, super tired,been working for 8 hours in row in china without any food at all. (China job/clients can be like that sometimes"Cheap")
And When I show her the pictures from the shoot. She keept pinching me," Why you pose like that,why you do like that why you why etc etc.... "Its really tiring to hear that after a hole day of shoot." Would you like to hear that from the person you love the most when coming home from a hard day at work ? Noooooooooooo.....Its not fair.... In a relationship. its about showing eachother support for what the person want to do. Happines can only be fufilled if you give your partner 100% freedom and trust.
This is the photo with my friend'Amanda"ive know for many years for the job in China sometime back... Is this bad catalog job, something really to get pissed over ?????????????? You tell me ????



I never sad to Avi or my ex girls freinds 'YOU CANT DO THAT"or question her when doing a photoshoot.NEVER". Its about being professional. end of the day. I get the job done and the money back home to the family... When loving somebody, you need to give them all.
About yesterday. Why we fought was because. After comign back from the party. We had a great night out. I took her different good places around bangkok"we ate,we drank,we danced etc". When we got back to the house. I st down at the computer to check my email and to do 20-30 minutes check for the next day. And she totally got freaked out. Why you dont come to bed etc etc. Of oucrse I will join her, but give me some fucking space to check my stuff. I have emails from models around the world waiting,i have a book and calendar to finish, I have the blog to do, i'm canceling my account today with modemodels. I need to plan our next trip etc etc. I have a lot of shit. and when you have all these important things to think of. Your loved ones should give you that time and respect to do your thing. Tell me,am I wrong ????
If I had a woman working everyday with differnt things and I dont do anything because I call myself househusband. I would at least try to make sure things are good when my wife comes home from a hard working day. Bangkok is also mentally tired because of athe traffic, poluution etc etc. In these conditions, you need to stay focus 24/7. Cant freak out in the house where you staying so everybody in the hall way model guest etc etc hear you fighting. Avi even told me she want to see a doctor for her problem. So she admit there is somethign wrong. And I would love t help her. But I cant help a person who doesnt want to help him/herself. Sorry !
End of the day... I'm very happy person And really dont have any problem with anyone. But when it comes to the person you love the most,and the person everyday day in day out is making you to a "psycho". Its difficult to work and handle your life properly. I'm still trying but I dont know for how long more. Its really as cum to an end. And it hurts me she cant see that.

On the way now meet with 'Modemodels' to clear my account with them.

Will see what happens after that.

Benz and vitoria. Thanks for your support. I'am a very happy person. But latley its been very negative energy around this blog. AND MY BLOG IS NOT ABOUT THAT. MY BLOG IS ABOUT POSITIVE GOOD ATTITUDE. I STILL HAVE GOOD ATTITUDE AND ALWAYS WILL.

LIFE IS LIKE THAT. ITS NOT ALWAYS A DANCE ON ROSE'.S

CHEERS,

PATRICK